This Sunday afternoon, I had a date that I had been looking forward to ALL WEEK.
I was taking my new friend out for our very first date.
Now the first date is important, it can spell success or failure for the future.
I wanted this first outing to be as positive and feel good as possible.
She wanted to go see "Think Like A Man"...
I was a little worried about this, because my date was a white woman and I wasn't quite sure if she was prepared for the black movie experience.
Oh you know what I mean...
Black people haven't quite caught on to appropriate movie behavior.
- Who brings babies to a movie?
- Who answers their phone and holds a conversation during the movie?
- Who gives in-depth commentary on the movie?
Everything was going good.
We found good seats, and the mood was relaxed and chill. Everyone was on their best behavior during the previews and I was really impressed at the idea of nobody ruining my movie experience. They showed the preview for Tyler Perry's newest film "Madea's Witness Protection" and nobody said a word. Nobody blurted out ANYTHING! So at this moment I'm feeling good. I'm feeling like this first date is going to be fine.
Just then the unspeakable happened...
3 black women came in together and sat DIRECTLY behind us.
The following statements are things I heard during my movie.
"Girl I see something new everytime I watch this movie"
"There goes my husband girl"
"Oh girl look at him"
"After this scene I'm leaving because I just want to see him with his shirt off"
"She did that"
"Oh she did that"
"They just gonna play John Legend all thru this movie"
"His voice is like water"
"Is he that much shorter than her"
"Look at my husband"
"Girl why you ain't tell me he was in this movie"
This is what I can REMEMBER, I tried my best to block it out. I could see that my date was visibly bothered by the 3 cackling women behind us.
Every time Micheal Ealy appeared on the movie screen they broke out into full fledged conversations about how fine he was.
It was AWFUL...
Then Morris Chesnut showed up and things got even worse.
These 3 lonely dateless sistas ruined my movie. To them I only have this to say. Micheal Ealy doesn't know you and doesn't want you. Morris Chestnut doesn't know you and doesn't want you. Because no successful brotha wants to be with a loud mouthed sista who has no sense of decorum.
If Only Steve Harvey had a chapter about "Shutting The Fuck Up In The Movies"